Posts filed under ‘Living in Hell’

World Leaders Admit The Planet Is Screwed


Well, world leaders are finally fessing up to Einstein’s folly – that the spread of nuclear weapons and technology of mass destruction cannot be controlled.

Eventually, there are going to be very big explosions in a city near you.

So party while you can, and be a good human. That means trying to help other communities so they don’t blow you up, and vice-versa.

This means all kids on earth need to get along or we will certainly witness one of mother nature’s big bangs.

Merry Christmas!

December 17, 2008 at 6:16 pm 1 comment

Sustainability Means NOT Letting Our System Crash

Economic System Crash

Advertisers have ruined sustainability. The words “Sustainable” and “Green” have been wiped clean of value, and the new chic trend will be in smart people fighting tooth and nail to keep playing the “Survival” game in the current economic system setup.

Imagine our economy is running Capiltalist Computer Operating System 1.0. Right now, our collective hard drive is crashing, and there are too many things breaking for the system to hold it together. That Click Click Click sound your hard drive makes before it poops out on you is growing louder day by day in terms of our global economic situation.

But let’s concentrate right here in the US for right now. As more people have to deal with the stresses of financial survival, let’s focus on what is really wrong here.

We are consuming so much that the earth can’t take it anymore, and our present money system is tied to consumption. Duh. And we all know that under this present capitalist system, just about every business can’t make a profit unless it is are still sucking up from the earth, and the Web 2.0 promise of a technological communications rescue has failed to deliver in time to not experience a massive wipeout.

What do I mean by that?

If you or your business advertises products and services, in some way you are contributing to the present growth economy. Sustainability is usually defined as a method to make sure there is a planet for future generations, and the market is crashing because our Capitalist Operating System has failed. It is now so broken that America has passed the point when as many people can live.

It means the bill has come due for America’s addictive appetite.

We are broke, and the stresses of having to scramble for money to survive is going to keep on getting worse. The good news is that when the system breaks too much, we can rebuild from the ashes of the old economy, but until it completely falls, many people are going to be experiencing a great suffering.

If you are wealthy, no problem – just keep on partying away. You have time, society still has its shit together. But know that there is a critical mass of stress before anything breaks. There is always a breaking point, and it will be the shittiest time of many people’s lives.

When you lose a loved one, it tears at your soul. Many people love their possessions, and are enduring physically and mentally demanding jobs to hang onto a paycheck, a health plan, or an IRA. That’s because they still offer hope, and you can still rest in comfort with those. Keeping enough money coming in to sustain an existence is becoming too painful of an affair for too many Americans, adding stress to relationships as well as everyone’s own mental well being.

We are a sick society, and like any addict running out of a drug, we are going to be going through major withdrawal symptoms as a people. Healing yourself is hard, demanding work. If you have lived through fighting addiction and survived, you already know what it is like to traipse through hell. For anyone experiencing the worst time of their life right now, if you have never felt so bad before, know that it does get better if you face your fears of loss.

Everyone needs help right now, and there are no easy solutions to appease the pain. You have to face your fear and jump off the cliff to believe in hope. It all begins when we grow a set of balls as a country and allow ourselves to each die and rise as a new spirit.

January 7, 2008 at 4:45 pm Leave a comment

Secrets To Making Money With Peak Oil

Secrets of How To Make Money With Peak Oil

Hear Ye, Hear Ye, there are ways thou shalt be able to maketh ends meet while the economy takes a crappeth on itself!

Know a Baby Boomer with a bank account?

Seriously. You might be able to siphon off of them for a bit longer while they can still muster the cash to fill their RVs and motor coaches with affordable fuel. After all, it’s the older crowd that has most of the money (resorts are full of them), while the younger crowd is starting to feel the burn of debt. No doubt hordes of twenty-somethings will be moving back in with mom and dad soon (if mom and dad still have a house). I don’t want to brow beat people anymore though. It’s too late for that… the crash is already happening, and the stage is set for some big event to fully usher in a completely totalitarian state. People didn’t have the backbone, temerity, or organizational skills to stop that from happening. That’s the power of TV entertainment for ya.

For those that tried, kudos to ya. It’s hard to spark change when even peaceful protesters are being shot and killed these days. But if people REALLY wanted to change the system, it could be done.

The problem is there is no leader able to break through to the world able to convince enough people that the world is everyone’s oyster to share. Everyone is clinging to what little pieces they think are theirs, which just goes to prove that there are lots and lots of people on the planet who think highly of themselves, controlled by a tiny percentage at the top. But now as the reality of Peak Oil really gets under way, we each have to think critically about ways to keep putting food on the table, making a living, and not getting desperate and turning to crime.

Here We Are
First comes economic pain – as we are seeing right now. Mortgage defaults, layoffs, and rising costs of living. Sales declines of all kinds are contributing to the recession, while some niche companies like survival goods are seeing spikes in sales. An ominous sign of things to come for sure.

It really is going to come down to coming to terms with reality, and making lemonade from the fact that your future may not be going according to plan. Life gets pretty scary when your monthly bills multiply like rabbits on E. Pressures will rise at work, and you might be coming home and taking it out on (Insert person or pet here). It might have been that new car you bought, or that massive mortgage. It could be the fact that you bought whatever advertisers made you and your friends think was cool, so everyone got the latest ‘thingamajig’ in different colors, with awesome add-on accessories to boot.

That’s what we’ll call “The Former Economy“. It’s all our collective fault, not any single person’s – so why not start making yourself more valuable? Now is as good a time as any to turn those useful skills you have into the ability to be happy while learning to live with less.

Can you farm?
Can you build or create useful things that help people?
Can you sell those useful things?

Now is the perfect time to learn new skills
You’ll need them. I sure see a lot of “For Sale” signs these days, and it’s only going to multiply (HINT: maybe you should wait to buy whatever you are planning on buying and get a killer deal later on.)

No matter what, remember that scarcity is a frame of mind. You still have much more than many other people, even if you have to downsize or you lose possessions. If you lose your job or your house, you are still alive and kicking enough to go earn an honest living, even if it means a temporary setback in your living standards. I’m just as vulnerable as you.

The best part about suffering is when you realize how awesome it is to redeem yourself and become a do-gooder.

Fun Bonus!
I’m always curious how people find “Lawns to Gardens”. Here are just a few search terms that have routed people to this Blog.

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Paris Hilton sex
Paris Hilton blowjob

September 27, 2007 at 3:48 pm 3 comments

What The Housing Bubble, Stock Market Crash, And Gas Shortage Means For Advertising

Housing Busbble stock market crash gas shortage advertising


Here we go, folks. What all of us freakozoids have been warning about all along. You are bearing witness as the first turds pierce the blades of the fan as the proverbial shit hits it. The news reports keep spinning it that all is fine, and that the problems can be contained. I have been e-mailing back and forth with John Schoen of MSNBC about this for a while now, and he dismissed our conversation as speculative, writing:

It’s true that there are plenty of reasons for concern, and a number of things that could go very wrong. But, having done this for nearly 30 years, I’ve also seen a number of very plausible warnings of impending catastrophe come and go. That’s not to say they’re wrong. But when you talk about tearing the social fabric, you’re getting into Hollywood disaster scenario territory.

Well John, I’m standing by the claim that drastic emergency measures need to be taken to change course from a massive crash, especially if/when the US and Iran head into their Title Bout. I have a feeling we will swing first, even if we try to tell the judges they did.

But that is beyond the control of any single news journalist or Peak Oil / Advertising blogger. What I can tell you are the things happening in the world of Advertising.

Buyers are aware of price declines in big ticket items, so they are waiting to purchase
People who bought a house are willing to lose their deposit in order to save big money as home builders drop their prices. In other words, if the house hasn’t closed yet, people are dumping their contracts to “re-buy” the house at a new, lower adjusted price. After all, would you want to pay $400,000 for a house that is now worth $350,000? Or a car at $35,000 when you could wait and get it at $25,000? I didn’t think so.

This means businesses are going to take massive hits on profits
Some businesses are even willing to go into the red to make sales, just so they can hit their sales numbers. Eventually, heads are gonna roll in all categories: Managers, suppliers, worker bees, etc.

This means that recently laid off people will tighten their spending
And when people tighten their spending, those sales just keep on drying up like the Amazon. And when sales dry up, advertisers try all sorts of neat things like piling on incentives, blow out sales, and other gimmicks. What really matters is if the product/service you are selling is essential.

Pretty soon, top management dogs and middle managers are going to have to deal with the stinky reality of Peak Oil. It is appearing in many forms… a multi-headed hydra of a beast. Of course, the capitalists running the US can’t deal with reality like adults, so they want to go shoot people. I can understand the anger, but there are lots of understanding people out there to help deal with anger and self destruction, and maybe our politicians and business leaders should sign up for some classes.

I’m offering one, since I just quit my job working for Clear Channel. I’m flattered the company is proud of my work, and I have fully enjoyed my tenure there. Working in Corporate America certainly hardens your skin for the real world of cut throat business, and many people are genuinely nice and don’t mean any direct harm to the planet. But we all suck-suck-suck away at the earth every time we buy something, and advertising is engineered to help convince you to buy something. (Hypocrite alert: Yes, I buy things).

What we are facing is entropy, the 4th Law of Thermodynamics, and the world’s most historical case of “What goes up must come down”. No amount of “Sex in Advertising” is going to fix this one, kids. (Unless what you are advertising IS sex, which I anticipate will happen as people grow desperate for food). The only thing I’m not sure about is how long it will be before a person can get a handjob for a carrot.

Now enjoy this video.

September 7, 2007 at 10:43 am 9 comments

Survivalism Gets Old Real Fast

Peak Oil Survival

Dear America,

I just returned from a week of traveling your many roads, camping in your beautiful woods, and perusing your many small towns. On one end of the extreme, I slept in an emergency cabin made for stranded hunters in the woods. No electricity, running water, or even a lock on the door. On the other end… I also stayed in nicely furnished cabins with a shower and a cooking stove.

Let me tell you, survivalism gets old within the first few days. And admittedly, I’m not boasting I did anything other than go camping. I even went camping pre-loaded with food and water, a hunting knife and lots of good books. I rented a Jeep that was easily refueled at the many gas stations along the way to and from the woods. I was redirected from a 50,000 acre forest fire by helpful rangers. That may not be survivalism for you back-wooders, but for a city boy, it’s a whole new world.

What it means is that I faked survivalism and fled the city with the best of plans. But here’s what I learned along the way:

– You need ice for your cooler at least every two days if your perishables aren’t to perish
– If there are shortages of gas, you may not be able to flee farther than a couple hundred miles from your present location
– Spilling lamp oil inside your vehicle makes breathing super fun
– Invest in Coleman stoves and propane while you can
– Trees and rocks DO fall in front of you on back mountain roads
– Small town economies want your money but they don’t want you
– Headlamps Headlamps Headlamps
– Freeways suck until you need them
– Knowing martial arts is wise
– Poachers like to ride in back of trucks to hunt deer at night

I could go on, but the ultimate lesson is that even if there was some sort of massive energy crash, running from your home won’t matter for very long. Being on edge and distrusting anyone who rolls by your camp as a potential adversary truly sucks. Also, Unless you already live in a small, self-sustaining community that would band together to keep out the droves of people fleeing the city, you may be turned away from their road blocks. Or road pirates could easily pick you off from any of the roads you travel.

Going over the peak oil energy cliff

All in all, it comes down to people doing what’s best for themselves and their families as we head off the energy cliff. And since everyone is so underprepared for any kind of immediate crash, it would probably be a bloody mess after just a week or so, no matter where you are. People have to eat and drink to live, period. So, while I do my best to kick start more localization of economies, I guess I’m going to go have to also build an ark and learn some kung-fu.

My hope is that we have time for a transition.

September 5, 2007 at 12:20 pm 6 comments

You Can’t Beat Mother Nature

Mother Nature

This one is pretty simple.

Rich people mad. Other rich people with better business model teaming up to fight back against mad rich people.

All money that all rich people using going *poof*.

Dumb rich people about to do something really stupid using many war toys.

Average human have no say in rich people war because rich people ignore plea of the not-rich people.

Summary: Rich people unable to learn to let go of the old world and live in agrarian society based on love will kill billions in this world and the next.

Have a nice day!

August 10, 2007 at 8:52 am 5 comments

Five Things I Think Are Evil


1) Religion that tolerates or encourages violence

2) Economies based on creating and selling weapons

3) Having the technology to, but refusing to feed the world

4) Secret plans made and held by people masquerading as representatives of the people

5) Leaders refusing to immediately help prepare Americans for Peak Oil

When it all comes down to it, we are nothing more on this planet than the people and environments surrounding us, the choices we make, and the actions we take. I choose to help people by encouraging them to immediately meet their neighbors and get entire neighborhoods to grow food at home. It certainly feels better than watching mindless television, and brings an enormous sense of well being.

Besides, it’s fun to hand out extra garden surplus goodies to people walking by and not expect anything back in return.

Peace and love,


July 31, 2007 at 12:45 am 1 comment

Why Americans Can’t Save Themselves Without True Leadership


If you understand your own death and mortality, it’s pretty intriguing to be alive these days.

Global frying is drying up the Amazon, essentially extinguishing any natural air conditioning we have relied on. Everyone has nukes or is working on getting nukes. Peak Oil is real and is about to kick modern living in the collective teeth.

So, besides building a nuke shelter with years of supplies out in the middle of who-knows-where, what is the average American to do?

I would say enjoy these days, and dance into the fire with pride and love of life. Sure, we can ride our bikes, use natural light, dry our clothes on a clothesline, and take showers once every couple of days – but I work in advertising and I can tell you consumers are still chomp-chomp-chomping away at the earth. Americans, Chinese… you name a country. We are programmed to be selfish, screaming at the world and commanding a tit from the moment of birth. Sure, there are the friendly, Lab/Golden retriever types of people in the world who believe in love and sharing, but deep down, we all have to fight and maneuver for our existence at some point. I love you by default, but what happens when we are trapped on an island and there is only one cracker left?

We don’t know the exact future, but you don’t need a neon psychic sign hanging outside your door to gauge the general direction things are heading. As long as money rules the world, we are going to destroy ourselves, pure and simple. Systems are currently in place to seize people’s property, freeze monetary assets, deny food and shelter, and make the lives of the general populace miserable as we continue our downward slide into the oil crash. How it all goes down in anyone’s guess, but the power players have their pieces on the game board and it’s just a matter of who’s gonna keep doing what. Only in this game, you don’t get to take turns in a normal fashion – it’s anything goes. From the highest levels of national warfare to neighbors killing neighbors, the energy crash will in all likelihood be the biggest, bloodiest mess in recorded history.

It’s a bitter pill – but I always believe you can candy coat it to make the flavor better. That’s why I believe we still have a chance to make a less violent transition if our leadership levels with the general population, spends lots of money on a crash-course to immediately build a renewable energy infrastructure, and suspend normal drone-creating education and teach K-12 kids how to specialize in farming (and make the rich kids do it, too). The leaders of the world and all the financial institutions will need to recognize the failure of capitalism as it eats itself, and release the workforce from present labor to recreate an agrarian society.

Sound like some Pinko-commie manifesto? Maybe. But you explain to me how else we are going to get out of this. And if you plan to comment about Hybrids, hydrogen, more drilling, or other methods that you think will allow us to continue living as we do now, don’t bother. To me, it’s either a farming revolution or a highway straight to hell. Oh yeah… remember to walk Perpendicular to the downwind if nukes go off.

July 25, 2007 at 7:41 am 6 comments

When Peak Oil Rips At Your Soul

peak oil mime

If you are peak oil/earth destruction aware, I have to wonder how your relationships are going – with your family, friends, co-workers, just about everyone. Are you losing friends because you want to help stop the world from destroying itself? Are you an outcast because you realize our way of living is quickly taking us to oblivion?

I went for a long walk with my wife yesterday, and our discussion highlighted the soul-tearing realities of two different people’s perspectives on how we are supposed to live on this planet we call earth.

I would say my wife is an average Portlander. She recycles as much as she can, loves the farmers market, and wants a biodiesel vehicle. Her perspective on life is that we must live while we can, enjoy the moment, and do our part to be good citizens.

While that sounds good in theory, here are some challenges we are facing as a couple living on the cusp of earth’s cosmic conundrum. She’s talking about bringing a baby into this world while I believe I have a case in saying there are too many people on the planet as it is. I don’t know how much more black and white I can make it out to be… this is the issue of this generation’s lifetime.

After all – it’s perfectly natural for a woman in her late twenties to want to procreate. That biological urge is hardwired into our netherbits, and we are a species that likes to get it on. The problem is that humans have been easily popping out kids around the world because food has been readily available via oil, supermarkets, Taco Bell, and aid programs.

Because I think in abstract terms, I do little things like plug up the shower to gauge how much water I’m using to clean my body, then wonder what ways I could make use of the pool of liquid that normally just washes away down the drain. My wife, on the other hand, thinks in terms of me cleaning the shower tiles and sealing the small crack that’s growing some weird colored thing out of it.

I think in terms of us hanging a clothesline to dry our clothes, she thinks in terms of getting a more energy efficient dryer.

I could go on and on with this stuff, but here is the wall I’m banging my head into: I would love to be a father some day. It would be cool to teach a little rug rat how to play a synthesizer, grow carrots and learn to ride a bamboo bike.

My issue is that the exponential growth of the human population has already placed the future of that unborn child in dire danger – the danger we all live in at this very moment in time. Sure, multiple generations have lived with the threat of nuclear war, but it’s different now. It’s not just two Superpowers with them – the technology has spread around the world as we have bred and bred – and now we’re running out of the very juice that has sustained all those fast food outlets many people depend on for food. As the energy crash continues, I just can’t believe it will occur without big fights, from nations to neighbors. Not unless we change our living habits.

Population growth

So there it is – it’s pretty simple. She gets a baby, or we get a divorce. She hasn’t said that, but it’s implied. She will get her way (doesn’t every wife?), or it won’t work out. I can only make my case for so long before the friction would be overpowering – and I love her immensely.

So what’s a guy to do? I don’t want to part ways – but how am I supposed to make a logical case against a woman’s powerful biological urge? It’s not like most couples have had a “Peak Oil” chat before they got married.

I can’t be alone in this situation. The question is – as humans realize we have overpopulated the planet – can there be a transition to livable communities that relocalize and sustain themselves? Even if people in Arizona threw up enough solar panels to power themselves, they will eventually run out of water and need to relocate. So will people in Africa and elsewhere as the planet overheats.

Now don’t get me wrong – I think we can do it if everyone would just agree we are at this point and put down the guns so we can address racism, classism and property rights. Because as much as I’m willing to open up our home to have roomates, my wife enjoys our privacy.

I can only wonder how long that luxury will be a choice (here’s a nifty classroom tool on population crashes. Do your homework kids). The question is… Are we smarter than Thermal Dynamics?.

July 2, 2007 at 9:56 am 20 comments

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