Posts filed under ‘Comedy’

An Update About Al Franken

Al Franken

Woo Hoo! I was right! Way to go Al!

July 6, 2009 at 9:59 pm Leave a comment

Randy White Comedy / Stand Up

Sometimes, you have to move beyond the blog – so I went and laid out some thoughts in front of an audience.

June 1, 2009 at 2:17 pm Leave a comment

Leaked Footage of Randy White / Lawns to Gardens editor

joke

Leaked footage of a street interview with me.

May 7, 2009 at 3:55 pm Leave a comment

Corey Delaney: Coordinating Bright Neighbor’s Launch Party?

We are attempting to make contact so Corey Delaney can coordinate the Bright Neighbor launch party, only with more “Community Spirit” in mind.

Just kidding. But we are excited about our upcoming launch! Get ready for Communities That Thrive.

July 24, 2008 at 11:37 am 1 comment

Fixing Peak Oil Is Easy

That’s right, I said it. Peak Oil is a straw man argument.

If you want to understand what I mean, watch this alternate ending to “The Lord Of The Rings”. You will quickly understand.

See what I mean?

What it sums up is that fixing Peak Oil all comes down to the community’s decision to follow a smarter plan, act accordingly, and share collective resources and talents with one another. That is how you win.

Think about it this way. The “Lord of The Rings” movie everyone has collectively seen presents a story the way it was written. Everyone leaves the theatre thinking that was the way the story had to be. But Ho Ho! If J.R. Tolkien had written “The Fellowship Of The Ring” to actually follow the course in the alternate ending, people would have had a much shorter movie and still had a happy ending.

And this is our society’s problem. We love thrillers. The story of “Peak Oil” is currently being presented as a potentially cataclysmic global energy problem. It is not. Peak Oil is a communications problem among a spoiled, techno-zombie culture. We have communicated with one another for so long about the story ending, we can’t decide what our global population’s story of continuity should be.

In America, the lagging economy is driving a dramatic move back to basics and a reversal of decades-long trends of convenience. Roughly half of all consumers with incomes less than $55,000 per year say they have trouble affording the groceries they need, while nearly a quarter of those earning between $55,000 and $99,000 also say so. Among those with incomes over $100,000, 16% report having trouble. 42% of consumers say they have given up favorite food brands because of rising prices and economic concerns. Source: IRI Economic Trend Database/AttitudeLink, May 2008

Also, large numbers of Americans face the prospect of energy shutoffs during the coming months because of rising energy prices and stagnant wages.

And so communities around the world are going to have to grapple with dwindling resources at the community level. You will not get help from the folks at the top. Anyone over 30 knows that money drives politics, and money is presently tied up in oil. This will remain true until communities free themselves from the global money system and start basing values on things that matter, such as services you provide that benefit the entire community and that do not cause harm to the environment or other people.

I would argue that hemp does not cause harm to people. It is a renewable energy resource and medicine. It’s human laws and lawns getting in the way of nature that are stopping us from having enough food and fuel for everyone.

Because cars are cool. I like walking, but I still want to drive, damnit! And right now, I am making my own fuel – which can run in any car with a combustible engine. The oil companies took over the fuel market a long time ago, and they are defending their money with as much vigor as they can.

So until local communities start firing up moonshine and having their local farmers plant sorghum as a better feedstock alternative than corn, we aren’t really serious about fixing our problems. Until we each begin to learn about the soil food web, we aren’t serious about fixing the problem. Until we each accept one another’s faiths, and work together to improve earth’s life support systems, we are not serious about fixing the problem. If we aren’t willing to help more than just ourselves, our family, and our friends, we aren’t serious about fixing the problem.

It’s going to take collective action from each of us, as well as the truth to emerge about certain solutions that have been suppressed, to implement desperately needed changes. Changes that allow us to continue to live happy lives, eat better, and travel from one place to another. Changes that are possible, given that we take away so much power from corporations and weapons companies that run the world.

Unless communities immediately create renewable local food and water systems, it means even more war and death. Until a majority of us are ready to act on the advice of innovators with proof that we don’t have to be less than human to one another and that there is plenty of land to grow enough food to feed the entire planet, we will just keep on reading headlines about bombs dropping.

If you are ready to listen to a leader that offers real ways our children of tomorrow can be proud of the actions we take today, my company has created a proven path of how we can get there. It’s a positive, loving, and life-affirming alternate ending to the Story of Peak Oil, and I am launching it in Portland.

BONUS VIDEO!

June 26, 2008 at 9:01 am 10 comments

Calling It For What It Is

Let’s offend everyone at the same time, shall we?

January 16, 2008 at 10:03 am Leave a comment

The Year 2007 In Review (By JibJab)

All is never lost! No time for despair, only for fixing problems in the world. Have fun!

January 14, 2008 at 8:39 am Leave a comment

How The Markets Can Solve Peak Oil

So by now many of you probably know I am convinced that by reinventing ourselves, we can survive peak oil.

I’m writing a Hollywood blockbuster about someone I know who is making a software program that will solve many of the problems we face with the implications of a crashing economy based on peak oil / peak energy. The cool part is I am writing it based on a pirate movie analogy. Enjoy!

Peak Oil Pirates

The Blue Ocean, 1553

A young sailor with ambitions to be a ship captain receives a treasure map and a golden coin from an older dying sailor. According to the sailor, the coin came from the treasure itself. Before he dies in front of the lad, the ailing map giver tells him the treasure will make him wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, and that the entire treasure is still in place. There is a catch, however.

There are a few known copies of the map, and the dying man tells him at least one other ship captain has a gold coin and knows the location of the island. The older sailor tells the lad that it would take about two months to make preparations, set sail, and arrive at the island. This means there is still time to beat the other map holder to the treasure!

But Alas! He has no boat of his own to sail to the island where it is buried. He lives in a coastal sea town back in 1553. The young lad’s love interest wants him to find a nice job carrying fish from the docks to the processing house. He shares the map with her, and she tells him they can’t afford to hire a boat to chase what could possibly break them and get them tossed from their small home. He reassures her he knows the treasure will be there when he gets there, and that he can beat the other map holder. His years of sailing experience has taught him all he needs to know to be a sea captain of his own ship.

He tells her he will find investors who can finance his adventure. Until then, he will try and negotiate a deal with a local ship owner, but she will need to keep sewing dresses to support him while he makes preparations to sail. She begrudgingly agrees, and tells him he has one month to find a ship if they are to not be kicked out of their comfortable little home.

He writes a letter to a former sailing friend who had successfully sailed with him through rough waters and former trade route adventures, thinking he might have access to a ship. He then shares the map with some local friends who advise him to take up the journey and go for the gold, but to be wary of showing the map to people he doesn’t trust. Thus, he decides to embark on a journey to get to the island with their help. One problem – he doesn’t have his own boat or the money to hire a boat and crew!

There are many local taverns where the young lad ventures to try to hire a ship and crew. He will have to hire them based on the promise of treasure at the end of the journey. He tries to hire a well known captain and crew, who tricks him into revealing the general location of the island and then quotes him too high a percentage of the bounty. Throwing back a few drinks at a tavern, the discouraged hero runs into a couple of boat owners. Wary of hiring pirates, the lad does his best to describe what is needed to make the journey. If the young lad shows them the whole map, they could just set sail off on their own without him. He approaches a local governor asking for protection on the seas. Sensing a large tax opportunity, the lad gets a decree from the local governor that guarantees the ship owner would be pursued and arrested if he copied the map and tried to recover the treasure himself.

Finally, he locates a man who has stories to boast about his ability to take on such an adventure. He is an abrasive captain with a small crew, and the young lad strikes a deal with him after they ink a contract that says the lad will be captain of the ship. The lad attends a gathering with some friends, and he is introduced to an acquaintance who has come into a small sum of money, but enough to finance a small venture. By this time, a couple weeks have passed when the lad learns that another ship has set sail for the island to recover the bounty.

Will he get there in time to beat the other ship?!

Impassioned by the desire to win the race, the lad receives a letter back from his sailing friend, who is now a co-owner of a large sailing vessel that hires its crew for such journeys. Luckily, the friend included a general fee structure that his crew charges for such adventures. With more hands on deck, the lad realizes they can be more efficient and save time on their journey. He writes back to his friend requesting his assistance and runs the idea by his ship’s present crew. The abrasive captain grumbles at the idea of leaving his smaller ship behind to work as crew leader on a stranger’s ship, which seems to be the perfect answer for rapidly setting to the sea.

And that’s where the story sits thus far. I will add to the story as my friend reports how his adventure is going along.

January 8, 2008 at 1:35 am 2 comments

The World Economy Has Become Calvinball

The Recession of 2008 is Calvinball

Are you a fan of Calvin and Hobbes? Remember Calvinball? It is the game that Calvin and Hobbes used to play where they would make the rules up as they went along, which is exactly what is happening on the world stage as Peak Oil wreaks havoc on the global economy. Here are some examples, and think in terms of the actions each country is taking right now in terms of their economics:

The Official Rules of Calvinball

1.1. All players must wear a Calvinball mask (See Calvinball Equipment – 2.1). No one questions the masks (Figure 2.1).

*IMPORTANT — The following rules are subject to be changed, amended, or dismissed by any player(s) involved.

1.2. Any player may declare a new rule at any point in the game (Figure 1.2). The player may do this audibly or silently depending on what zone (Refer to Rule 1.5) the player is in.

1.3. A player may use the Calvinball (See Calvinball Equipment – 2.2)in any way the player see fits, from causal injury to self-reward.

1.4. Any penalty legislation may be in the form of pain, embarassment, or any other abasement the rulee deems fit to impose on his opponent.

The list goes on. Ultimately, what it means is that all economic theories are about to be turned upside down on their heads as mother earth rejects the greedy who have abused capitalism.

By now you know that oil prices are just going to keep on rising. At some point, people will realize the earth is so hooked to oil price won’t matter, and those that can’t afford it will die economically. It’s not just a stock market crash on Wall Street, it’s peak population.

Peak Oil is the ugly bill collector that is cutting off everyone’s growth. This is when sustainability becomes survival.

Think I’m joking? If you need a good laugh, watch this video. Otherwise, you had better listen up, because we are in deep trouble.

Money can only hold on for so long. Countries are no longer playing nice, and when the rule of law becomes a gun, economics changes with it. If the capitalists push too hard, Americans will fucking riot. So far they have done it peacefully by picking their candidates in the Iowa caucus. We all know how that has turned out. Unless the fat cats in power let off some off the pressure and help Americans out, shit is going to fall apart pretty quickly.

That’s why Obama’s message is resonating with people – it’s pure hope. And as every makeup company knows, hope sells.

Hope is why people are coming out. They are ready to act for change, and I mean moving beyond forwarding irritating protest e-mails. Fuck protest e-mails – people are rising up and taking to the streets American style.

They are being nice about it right now, but if they get pushed around too hard, they will fight back. Because Americans love to fight. We are the descendants of troublemakers from around the world, and we are sick and tired of our present leadership.

So onward with a Calvinball economy. Here’s to making up the rules as we go!

January 4, 2008 at 3:40 pm Leave a comment

Tragedy Makes For Comedy

You and I as average citizens knows the world is pretty much screwed.

If you are white, black, red or whatever, it really doesn’t matter. Your government is cracking the whip and they certainly do not plan to free your people. Just when the people of planet earth need to work together the most, we are being oppressed by horrible policies and hatred.

Global fascism has arrived. No matter who your national leaders are, they are corrupt. And each wants to stay in power, or gain even more power. That’s why comedy can bring sweet relief to our over populated planet. Because it shows us just how alike we are.

And as long as people refuse to free themselves from the slavery corporations and governments force onto them, they will remain afraid. So enjoy this video and have a good laugh.

Just think deeply why you are laughing.

December 2, 2007 at 3:42 pm Leave a comment

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